TAUTOG-ALOG-A-DING-DONG!

I tell you from first hand experience that TAUTOGS aka Blackfish are migrating south for the winter. NEXT STOP: SOUTH OF LAWN GUYLAND 

Can I get a fist pump?!

As you know, tautogs have delicate white flesh that curls like a pervy mustache when fried lightly.

Super-fisherman Nat Chalkley from Woods Hole.

Rando Fish-Grannie w her Blackfish.

As you know, tautogs have delicate white flesh that curls like a pervy mustache when fried lightly.

These fish are rocky bottom dwellers. They only have eyes for green crabs, mollusks and chubs. 'Togs love their green crabs SO much, you would think they were stewing up a crab stock. 'Togs are dressed in what appears to be full camouflage regalia. They have big thick lips with gnarly teeth which they use to chomp the living shit out of the Intertidal Zone. These lazy bastards drift in on the high- tide, munching away relentlessly with their nasty old lips and sloppy jowls.

 

When they are finished gorging themselves, they high-five each other and say:

 

 "FUGGEDABOUDIT!"

Damned Tautog: Lessons in Friendship and Patience.

I didn’t want to believe it, but colder waters mark the end of Cape Cod fishin’ season. Experts say that here and there you might wrangle in a tautog. If you are able to pull off such a feat let me know 'cause I am need a new good luck charm.

My rabbits feet did NOTHING to help me catch a Tautog.  

Squig as my co-pilot, we fished the Knob and the Outer-Town dock in Woods Hole. As a lone ranger I ignored the no trespassing signs and fished the gut off of Penzance Point. Nada, Nothing, Nil. WAHHH!

YES, YOU SHOULD WATCH MY SHORT AND ENTERTAINING VIDEO.

Despite terrible odds, and with a smidgen of time to kill this morning I dipped my line into the PCB ridden waters of the Coggeshall St. Bridge in New Bedford for one last hurrah before I headed back to NYC. Luckily, on my way there I met a real live commercial scallop fisherman and he showed me some tricks of the trade. As per his request he will remain anonymous (local celebrity). Let us call him Fisherman Ray.

Fisherman Ray was wicked friggin’ nice and he let me hold his newly harvested swordfish spear.

That's Wassup. Don't mess with the spear, ya freaks.

Here's Ray Dawg hookin’ a female green crab, the elusive tautog's favorite food.

I cast my line into the polluted waters hoping to snag something. A tire, a shoe, a poisonous snake? Nothing.

Note the "DANGER NO FISHING" sign across the way.
Fish Babe don't give a shit, not like I am catching anything anyways.

In the end, the whole 3 day adventure was well worth it. I learned how to tie a fisherman's knot, I learned how to unhook my rig from under a rock and I had much needed lesson in patience. I hung out with old friends and made some new ones along the way. Friends, knots, patience: That's what fishin' and life are all about. In the end who really cares if I caught a fish. Right? Right.

Tautog Fishin'...Tautog 1 : Fish Babe 0

It's almost December and most fish that inhabit the warm summer waters of Cape Cod have left for the season. The Bluefish have gone to visit their family in a small underwater trailer park off the coast of Virginia and the glamorous Stripers have retired to their winter homes in Florida. I think they are all a bunch of p*ssies, but whatever. I am a salty Cape Codder. I dig in and bear the rough winters with a smile.

Bundle up, mutha shuckas.
 I'm smiling here, but you can't see past my scarf.

Regardless of imminent fish migratory patterns, I had high hopes of catching an elusive tautog yesterday.
I busted out the rods and the chubs and went to pick up my renegade fishing partner Squig.

Squig is a arborist and he lives in an actual haunted house near Woods Hole. His real name obviously isn't Squig, but that's what we have been calling him since preschool. By the time we came of age as middle-schoolers, Squig made an impression on me with his Peace Frog shirts and Adidas soccer shoes. Nature took its course and we became boyfriend and girlfriend for a few weeks. Most recently I hadn't seen him in about 10 years, until yesterday on our fishing trip.

Our first stop was Falmouth Bait and Tackle where we got some new hooks and some fishing tips from Chris Sherwood and the other really cool dude who works there. He took this picture, gave me some tuna info and then I forgot his name (SORRY). I am HORRIBLE.

Motley Cru. Left to Right: Squig, Fish Babe, Chris.

We peaced outta the tackle shop and headed to the famous Knob to catch us some Tautog.

T'was a GLORIOUS SUNSET.

We cruised over rocks and shit.

Squig had to carry the heavy stuff AKA the beer and chubs.

We rigged-up and baited.

Sorry chub, ya DEAD.

We casted like professionals into the abyss.

Whachu know 'bout mah rig?

AND WE CAUGHT NO TAUTOG AT ALL!

Soooo....we ended up at YE' OLE WOODS HOLE PACKAGE STORE, with Santa. DUH.

Wish us luck cause we will be back at it this afternoon.

Sheepshead, Blackfish (Tautog) and Pike 10/19/10

Mollusk Busters: You are what you eat.

If you like the taste of clams and other mollusks then you will LOVE this week’s variety of locally sourced mollusk crunchers. Sheepshead, tautog and triggerfish are headlining, if you will, on the fillet tables of our warehouse.
Below I have inserted what I am referring to as a brief product identification you may or may not be interested in viewing.
Sheepshead: Horrifying sheep-like mug. Sweeter than clams (its primary food source). Nice white fatty fillets. Reppin’ the shores of North Carolina. 2-5# each.

Triggerfish: Need I repeat myself on how I feel about these deliciously ugly monsters? Charleston Bump, Carolinas. Don’t eat the skin. 2-4# each.

Tautog a.k.a Blackfish: Once there was a man from Cape Cod who caught himself a monstrous Tautog out in Buzzards Bay. He brought the fish home to his baby momma, causing her to lick and smack her lips in delight. He sizzled up the skillet and filleted the fish. He threw the flesh into the pan and dumped the head and attached skeletal system in a bucket on the floor. They sat down and began to feast. Then, all of a sudden, their ears perked up to the sound of the fish slapping around in the bucket. STILL ALIVE! Doesn’t get much fresher than that. 3-6# each.

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Pike it out!

Wild Walleye Pike is the flagship fish of the North American Fresh Water Fishery. Pike is also known as the PREMIERE sport and commercial fish of the mighty Great Lakes. It puts up a fight and it’s white flaky flesh won’t break the bank. 4-6# each.
So now that you are in the “know” about how ridiculously awesome Pike is, you have two and only two very simple options:
1) Buy some Pike from the market this week.

or...
2) Sign up for a week at Wally’s Walleye Kingdom in Ontario Canada. See below for details.
Wally’s Kingdom important information straight from their website:

“Wally's Kingdom is first and foremost a strict sport fishing camp. Our guests catching the Walleye Pike of their dreams is our number one priority. Trophy pike and Walleye is what we're all about.” 
Wait a second, the Pike of my dreams? Awesome! Tell me more…
“Upon arrival Wally will personally provide you with our custom printed contour map of Nungesser Lake outlining the lakes best features. Wally will go over the map with you to point you in the right direction to put you on fish, and then instruct our guides to leave you in a remote area of the woods.”

 

Wow, imagine, I will be alone in remote woods. That sounds fun, AND SAFE! What else do I have to look forward to?

“Pine Island is the Calving ground for the areas Woodland Caribou. The Caribou, Loons, Eagles, and majestic Moose will be your companions as you explore this remote unspoiled wilderness paradise beyond the roads. We advise rigid protective measures during your stay in caribou country as the females are very large and fast runners. Female caribou can become both violent and pro-actively aggressive, especially towards New Yorkers traipsing around in their woodland kingdom.”
So, you are going to leave me with a fishing pole in the middle of nowhere Canada with killer female caribou that run fast? Sign me up!

   before and after