Ramona and the man of her dreams.

Ramona has a sliding scale rating system for the men she meets. 10 points for convicted felon. 3 points per kid, various baby’s mommas signals multiplication of this total by 2.  Armed and dangerous? Check. Add 3 points to the top. Subtract 8 points to the total sum if his haircut doesn’t fall into any or all of the following three categories: dreadlocks, fade w shaved lines in part/eyebrows, doo-rag.

Let’s just say he is a top scorer

Does he have a nice car? Yes, he does. Is it paid for? Um, no. She doesn’t care if he’s living way out the hizzy inside of a veritable shoe box. The car has a bangin sound system and she loves her sum Pitbull every now and again.

Does he get drunk and throw shit at her window until she comes downstairs? Does he push her up against the wall? It’s as much passion as it is pain. It is all the same. Does he love her madly? He says so. Does he treat her mean? Yes! He makes her head spin until she can’t concentrate on anything else. He makes her cry and even though it hurts, at least she feels something.

Ramona loves walking down her block and hearing the calls of the wild. Snowbunny, U too hot white gurl. Mami ven pa’ca. It makes her feel not-at-home. Acción.

And then she finds out, oh goody, he has four kids.

Ramona knows all of his evil tricks. When he calls her on the phone it means no babymomma in earshot. She looks back on the time when he called, freezing his ass off outside. For what? She didn’t even question it at the time. Looking back, a light turns on in her brain. That makes sense now, Dickhead.

He’s got the cockswagger. He knows what he’s got. What he’s got is what she wants.  If he didn’t have it he wouldn’t have come up to her like this. Confident as hell, or at least an excellent faker. Drop it down, push it up, look her in the eyes. Sweet smooth light dark skin.  Big lips, funny teeth. Bright evil sexy eyes.  Nice horrifying tattoos. Big bling, with his baby momma’s ring around his chain.  Baggage dangling from every limb. She melts in his presence. All logical impulses numb to his touch and his glance. Behold a man who packs heat and works the street. She wants to be his next victim.