Razor Clams to the Rescue 1/04/11

RAZOR CLAMS TO THE RESCUE

Hoping to add some punch to your January menu? I don't blame you. Things can get dreary and bleak after the holiday craze comes to an end. I'm talking about the short days and long cold nights all alone in your frigid apartment (stop being a miser and turn the heat up already). There you are frozen, stiff as a popsicle, crying to your long distance girlfriend via "Face-time" on your new iphone-4 she bought you as a belated-Hanukkah / sorry-I-couldn't-help-myself-but-cheat-on-you-with-the-sexy-new-upstairs-neighbor-from-Italy present:

"WAHHHHHHH!! How could you!?!, I thought I could get over this, but I SOOOOOO CAN'T you heathen wench!! I don't care how many ipods you buy me, nothing will make up for you being an icy, mean and heartless devil-woman!"

Then you hit the street and decide that in order to punish that beastly knave for her wrong doings you will drink yourself into a frenzy. You look to the right and see Joe's Saloon. "Perfecto" you say to yourself, this will do. You order 18 shots of whiskey and 18 Pabst Blue Ribbons. You order 18 rounds for everyone in the bar. You max out your credit card and they kick you out onto the frozen sidewalk. You are drunk, sobbing and weak as a woodchuck. Although you know you should go home and sleep until April, you utilize your Iphone to buy a one-way ticket to your girlfriend's apartment in L.A (Brilliant idea, by the way). You hitch-hike to JFK airport and somehow make it there without getting mugged or killed. You board the aircraft, promptly barf on the red-head in the next seat over, and pass out. When you wake up you have landed in L.A. and you have no idea why or how you got there. Still behaving like an alcohol induced zombie, you cab it to your soon-to-be-ex-girlfriend's place and start ringing her doorbell incessantly. When she doesn't respond, you climb the fire-escape, perch on the awning of the small eco-friendly laundry-mat below her second floor apartment window and scare the living daylights out of her. The cops come, you get arrested, bada-bing-bada-boom, you are in jail.  Don't let this happen to you. Buy some razor clams and don't lose your mind to the "winter-blahs".

Actual Important Facts Below:

Razor clams are from Long Island. They are hand dug from the sand by clam-diggers. This must be done when the tide is very low; hence an abundance of razor clams around the full moon. The speed at which a razor clam reburies itself is very important to the clam digger because the faster it burrowS, the faster the digger must dig. Razor clams are "cold-blooded" organisms. Low temperatures make the clam sluggish and slow, that's why clam diggers love months that end in "R".

Clam Digging Nuns in Long Island