ODE TO FACEBOOK BY GABE

Are you gettin the itch? Are you feelin’ the crave?
Now you’re friend-ing your teacher from the 5th or 6th grade
And the girl that you wished you were friends with in college,
Now you’re creepin’ her profile, your latest new project.

It’s a major addiction, it is something to quit
But nowadays life ain’t worth livin’ without it
Boredom at work and for study, no gumption
Then all of a sudden you are postin’ and hustlin’

Countin’ the comments on your new profile pic?
You’ve turned into a monster, a true narcissist.

The blue with the white are the colors you seek
A suggestion of friendship, at the sidebar you peek

In a relationship? Perhaps newly single?
Post that shit on your wall when you’re ready to mingle
Are you pregnant or married? Do you have a big brother?
Did you just make some breakfast? Are you fighting with mother?

Then a horrible thought, was I really un-friended?
I can’t fuckin’ believe this relationship’s ended
And although I have not called you once in ten years
Didn’t think that I’d notice? Well, I won’t shed a tear.
Nope, not over you, you’re a measly old snake.
And I happen to know about the cold you can’t shake
And I know you were fired from the bar where you worked.
So go on to hell! Ha! This site has its perks.

One last piece of advice then I’m over and out
3 o’clock in the morning and you’re drunk off the stout
You get a slight inkling to contact your ex.
You write a fierce comment on his photos from Mex.
So please don’t even go there. It’s an unpleasant look.
Trust me on this one, I wrote the damn book.